How to Explain Complex PTSD to Someone Who Doesn't Have It

Living with complex PTSD (or CPTSD) can significantly impact the way that you feel your emotions, show up in relationships, and how you experience the world. If you are living with CPTSD, it might even feel like you are different than other people or like you are struggling with things that come naturally to most. This can feel lonely and isolating. Sometimes it can be helpful let the people closest to you in on what you are going through, but it can also be intimidating to think about explaining your complex PTSD to someone who doesn’t have the same experience of the world. If you are thinking about having this conversation with a friend or family member, I am a trauma therapist, and I have some tips that might help. 

Understanding CPTSD

CPTSD is not technically a DSM diagnosis in and of itself (at least in the United States). Diagnostically, it kind of just falls under the umbrella of PTSD. Still, CPTSD can be a helpful term for both therapists and clients because it helps to clarify what a person might be experiencing. 

CPTSD shows up a little bit differently than PTSD, which is rooted in one traumatic event. This is because CPTSD is the result of many traumatic events or exposure to trauma over a long period of time. In my work as a trauma therapist, I mostly see CPTSD in my clients who are healing from childhood trauma.

Symptoms of Childhood Trauma in Adults

When unresolved childhood trauma starts to seep into adulthood (often manifesting in the form of CPTSD), it can show up in a few different ways. This can include a lot of the same symptoms that we see in a general PTSD diagnosis like nightmares, flashbacks, avoiding things that remind you of the trauma, and mood/thought disturbances. But, if you have PTSD of the more spicy variety and veer more towards CPTSD, you might be running into some additional difficulties such as: 

• Problematic relationships

• Your emotions feel extremely intense, the majority of the time

• When you have a big reaction to something, it can be really hard to get back to baseline

• You carry around a constant feeling of shame or feel like something is “wrong with you”

If you are experiencing any of the symptoms or struggling with other effects of childhood trauma, you are in good company. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who don't really understand CPTSD. The presentation of those who have experienced childhood trauma doesn’t necessarily fit the stereotypical picture of a person with PTSD.

If this is you, your friends, family, and even professionals might not know that something is wrong, understand how to help you, or may express frustration about why you behave in certain ways. This can make an already difficult topic to navigate seem impossible. The good news is that even though it feels impossible, it's not.

How to Explain Complex PTSD to Someone Who Doesn’t Have It

CPTSD can be a difficult thing to explain to someone who has not experienced it before. Here are some tips when you are trying to figure out how to explain complex PTSD to someone who doesn’t have it:

1. Understand that not everyone is going to be able or willing to give you what you need. The first thing that I want you to know before trying to talk about your CPTSD or childhood trauma is that some people are just not going to get it. That doesn’t mean that your experience isn’t valid or that you are doing anything wrong. It just means that for whatever reason, that person is not able to give you the support that you need. Remember that this is not your fault and there are people out there who can help you. This is one reason why I recommend working with a qualified trauma therapist. If you have any questions or are interested in working with one, you can reach out to me or book an appointment here. 

2. Know that you don’t have to give any details that you don’t want to. Especially if your loved ones are unaware of your childhood trauma or this is the first time that you are talking about your CPTSD, they may want to ask some questions. It can be helpful to preface the conversation by explaining that this is a sensitive topic and set the expectation that you will not be answering any questions you don’t feel comfortable talking about. 

3. Start by talking about it with a safe person, in a place that feels comfortable. By  nature, trauma messes with your ability to feel safe. It is important to keep this in mind before trying to explain your complex PTSD to someone who doesn’t have it because it is likely that you will be feeling a little vulnerable. You can take care of yourself by moving at a pace that feels right for you and making sure that you have some safeguards in place. One way to do this is by being intentional about who you open up to. The first time that you attempt to explain complex PTSD to someone who doesn’t have it, try it with the person that you feel the safest with. Make sure you have the conversation in a place you feel comfortable in and where you know an exit is available if the conversation starts to feel too overwhelming. As you start to get more comfortable with talking about your experience, you can slowly start to drop your safeguards if you wish. Just remember to move at your own pace and take care of you!

4. If needed, enlist the help of a professional. Maybe you’ve had a past experience with trying to explain complex PTSD to someone doesn’t have it, and it didn’t go well. Or maybe it’s time to talk about it with a human who you don’t anticipate will respond in a supportive way. If you are feeling like you need to have this conversation but the thought of it is crippling, it can be helpful to enlist the support of a professional. Trauma therapists are trained to talk about this stuff and many can help you create a safe, contained environment for you to have tough conversations. If you feel like you need the support, it’s okay to accept it.

   
   

Work with a trauma therapist