At first glance, joyful movement sounds like a simple enough concept - moving your body in a way that allows you to experience joy. But, when your relationship with movement has been impacted by an eating disorder, finding the joy in it can be a lot more difficult than it sounds. The truth is that eating disorders disconnect us from our bodies, demolish the grey area, and manipulate the purpose of movement. In recovery, repairing the relationship with movement often takes a fair amount of time and unlearning. If you feel that your eating disorder may have impacted you in this area, stick around and read this post for tips on rediscovering the joy in moving your body.
Assessing Your Relationship With Movement
I remember going to dance classes when I was a little kid. Mondays were always my favorite day of the week because I knew that when school was over, I was going to dance. I loved the way dancing felt in my body, gave me a sense of accomplishment, and allowed me to meet new friends. I was always eager to get to dance class, and I loved spending my free time practicing what I learned.
If you think back to childhood, chances are that you can also identify a situation or moment in time where you enjoyed moving your body. Maybe that was being in a sport, playing with your friends, or running around the playground. Take yourself back to that moment for a second and ask yourself the following questions:
How were you feeling in your body?
What were your thoughts?
Why did you make the decision to move your body?
What is different about the way that you engage in movement now?
None of us were born hating our bodies. Somewhere along the line, that changed. Maybe you were influenced by diet culture, lived through trauma, or told that your body was not okay. Perhaps moving your body then became punishment instead of self-care, habitual instead of spontaneous, or consuming instead of life enhancing. Whatever movement has become in your eating disorder, it likely is no longer joyful. If you relate to this, your current relationship with movement might feel very different than what it was for the younger version of you. But, the good news is that it is possible to rediscover the authentic part of yourself and make moving your body joyful again. The next time you engage in movement, try utilizing the following tips to challenge the eating disorder mindset.
Connect With Your Body
Eating disorders encourage us to ignore the body's signals and deny its needs. This often requires a level disconnection and even numbness to our physical experience. But, how are we suppose to find joy in movement if we are unable to experience our bodies in the first place? I might even argue that joyful movement and embodiment cannot exist without each other.
The next time that you engage in movement, take a moment to check in with your body. Notice what sensations you experience and maybe even experiment with them a little bit. You might find that changing the pace of your movement or stretching a certain way feels really good. Or maybe you notice that your body is tired and would prefer to take a rest day. Whatever you find that you're needing is valid, and I encourage you to honor what comes up. Pay attention to what happens when you ask your body what it needs and then follow through with its requests.
Embrace the Grey Area
Black-and-white thinking often pairs with the eating disorder mindset. This happens when a person thinks in extremes or views the world through an all-or-nothing lens. Thinking this way can get in the way of joyful movement because it prevents us from being flexible and honoring the body's needs. For example, if your goal is to stick to a strict exercise regime, you might feel the need to engage in movement during injury, sickness, or days when your body just wants to rest. When you are truly engaging in joyful movement, you will be able to embrace the grey area by honoring the unpredictability of your body.
If you are struggling with rigidity or black-and-white thinking when it comes to movement, it could be a sign that there is still some work to do with your eating disorder. Some signs that this could be the case include feelings of guilt or shame around movement, difficulty honoring your body's needs, feeling that you have to "make up" for eating by moving your body, or viewing certain types of movement as more valid than others.
You can practice embracing the grey area by challenging yourself to slow down, taking some rest days, or eating a challenging food without the expectation that you will "burn it off" later. Notice what comes up when you do this. If you need to, remind yourself that you are safe, engage in some grounding exercises, and remember to be gentle with yourself.
Consider the Intention
Evaluating your intention behind movement can be important in identifying whether or not the urge is coming from a healthy space. You might want to move because of the opportunity to connect with your body, you like how the movement makes you feel, or you are participating in an activity that allows you to connect with others. These are all signs that joyful movement is a driving factor. But, eating disorders can be sneaky. So, you might have to do a little sleuthing to determine if the movement is, in fact, joyful..
Red flags that could indicate your eating disorder is running the show include thoughts of controlling your appearance, calories, weight loss, or feeling the need to compensate for food intake. If you are not sure if this is the case, try asking yourself, "How will I feel if I choose not to move my body?". If feelings such as guilt, anxiety, or shame arise, it might be worth it to consider why these are coming up.
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